Living in the Moment Even When You Hate the Moment

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My last semester of college has brought more trials and challenges than the last three years combined. It feels like one thing after another has happened that just simply wasn’t in my mind map (my plan).

I’ve never felt so weak. I’ve never been so vulnerable. I’ve never had to rely on others so much. And I’ve never felt closer to God than in these last 6 weeks.

When you’re at the end of something, college in my case, but that could be a job, a life stage or something else, everyone tells you to live in the moment. Don’t wish this time away. Don’t get so caught up in the future that you can’t be here. Now. Live in the moment.

What if you hate the moment you’re living in? 

How do you live in something you hate?

I was content running straight through my last 5 months of college without looking back, or without looking to the left or the right. My eyes were set at the end of January when I could pack up, leave and be done. Check it off my list.

Until God slowed me down. Way down. It wasn’t “take it a day at a time” it was taking it an hour at a time, a minute at a time, and sometimes seconds at a time. Going from months and years ahead to being pulled back to the seconds and moments I was missing, was a shift no doubt.

It was a physical shift but it’s what led to a heart and mind shift. I could no longer predict, fantasize or plan what would happen in 5 months simply because looking to the next hour, minute, second, was all that I had the energy for. 

The fact that planning became exhausting was the most wonderful thing. I began to live in the moment even though I didn’t like the moment I was in. God shifted my heart. He showed the people I had been racing past in the midst of my urgency to be done with this “phase” of life. He showed me the love that lived here. In this moment. And in the next, and the next, and the love that lives here now.

You see, that’s all life is. A bunch of moments. The present is always constant. The future turns into the present. When we strive to live in the future, we are only avoiding the present which is what the future becomes one day. We live so heavily in the next moment that we lose every moment before that. 

If you live in the future, you’ll never be content in the now. There will always be something else. Always something ahead of you. we say “If only I can just make it until Friday” that isn’t a one-time thing. You’ll say that next week. And before you know it, those days aren’t even counted and they certainly aren’t lived.

God has given me an insight I never thought I could have. And it’s not insight into the future.

With that said. Sometimes the moments aren’t great. Sometimes we’re in the waiting process and something looks like it’s ahead of us and we feel the need to sprint toward it.  If you do that, you’ll never stop sprinting. You’ll always be on the run. Always tired, drained, and disappointed when you reach the next checkpoint only to discover there’s another one ahead.

I am beyond grateful I can say that I would rather walk slowly, with purpose, with confidence and with content knowing I have one hand in the hand of my Father’s and another hand in the hands of the people who love and support me the most.

P.S.

Thank you to all of you who have encouraged me, loved me, prayed for me, taken care of me and have been Jesus to me during this time. You are the people I will cherish and miss the most when I do leave. However, I can confidently say that I look forward to living with you now. Each day until that time comes. And continuing to love you then. You know who you are.

Time is Only a Number

If you’re like me, you wake up with a to-do list on your mind. From the moment you get out of bed to the moment you crawl back into it, your mind is buzzing with things it thinks it needs to check off.

Whether that’s easy things such as doing your laundry or more difficult things such as getting a big project done.

And it seems every time you check something off, your brain remembers one or two or 6 more things it wants to add. And you feel like your 100 steps behind despite the fact that you’re still accomplishing tasks.

It feels like the list will never end but time will. There’s only so many hours in a day. I’m envious of God. Time isn’t even a concept for him to think about. He is time. He lives in an eternity of moments that don’t need to be counted or seized because every one of them is glorious and never ending.

I have been praying each day for about a month now that God would really show me how to put him first. To keep him at my number one priority. But time and time again, I choose my to-do list over him. But why? Without him I wouldn’t even have a to-do list. I wouldn’t have anything. Yet here I am wearing myself down until I feel worn and exhausted and leaving a few moments for him and the things I love most.

It’s actually a miracle I made time for this. Even something I love as much as writing gets thrown away because of the busy work I put in front of it.

As a college student, with classes, work, homework and making time for my relationships, it feels like I have no time left in the day and yet I’m somehow supposed to be “present”. “Don’t take this time for granted” they all say when you tell them it’s your last semester.

How can you not take for granted something you don’t even enjoy? They say take your time and live in the moment. But what if every moment you spend living in feels like you’re suffocating because you’re not getting things done. My honest question is how do you balance every aspect of your life while also putting God first?

I can honestly say I feel like I’m worn out and my first week of classes isn’t even over. What’s your way of dealing with busyness?

All I know is that God’s idea of time sounds pretty great right now.

I’m in desperate need of prayer and advice so I appreciate any comments!

Thanks for listening…

Change

It’s strange when you can feel a change. A shift in the wind, a breeze coming in after a silent motionless heat, a glass of cold refreshing water after lying in the desert.

But, what about a different kind of change. Sending you inward to the depths of yourself. Forcing you to become aware of who you are and what you are made of. Placing you in a frightening, uncomfortable and uncertain position.

I have never felt heavier, yet I feel so light. The meaningless things that used to pull me down have let go. The things that would set me on fire in all the wrong ways have dwindled and it seems there has been a new flame in its place.

This flame holds a promise of new things to come. Growth. Progress. Moving on and understanding why I was who I was up until now.

But, I am heavy with the burdens of this world. The sadness that comes from watching those you love suffer in what seems like never-ending pain.

The hurt that comes from watching kids your brother’s age getting shot in a place that is meant to help them grow and shape into leaders and change-makers.

It’s the heartache that burns when you’re far from the ones you love. The distance feeling like more than miles.

Watching people you love who deserve more than the pain they have to endure.

These things start this new flame. This burning sensation in my chest that encourages me to change. To not stay the same. To feel these things but eagerly search for solutions and ways to support. To let my heart be broken for these things but not my spirit. Not my will to fight for something better. If not for me, then for those around me.

Change is always occurring whether we notice it or not. Whether we like it or not. But when you can recognize it, it’s a beautiful piece added to the puzzle of your life.

 

 

Too Much and Not Enough

Feeling like you’re not enough is such a constant struggle.

Feeling like you’re too much is such a constant struggle.

How do we survive when we feel like we’re not enough or we’re too much?

Is there a middle ground? Can we even find it and live there?

So many times we find this worth or lack of it, in other people. Not even those we think are judging us, but those closest to us.

We are expecting to be enough for them, or we are trying too hard not to be too much for them. And when we don’t accomplish either of these things we become angry and disappointed.

How does it make sense that we go to these people, no matter how much we love them or they love us for this worth?

We have someone who always says we’re enough. Someone who knows himself what enough is. We have someone who loves us and finds so much more worth in us than even the the people who love us most in our life.

Yet, time and time again we put more value in earthly opinions and feelings. This is something I will never understand yet am guilty of myself.

I am just thankful for a God who loves me just the same. Despite my constant choices and decisions.

To him, it’s not even a question of “am I enough?” It’s a statement that you are a child of God, therefore, you are everything.

Mapping my weeks: my current favorite productivity hack.

hannah brencher.

*image cred.

I’ll just start by being honest: I went through a series of weeks at the beginning of this year where I wasn’t getting anything done. The slump didn’t last all that long but while I was inside of it, feeling like I was just treading water but not making an impact, it felt eternal. My time felt spread too thin. I felt chaotic whenever I would go over what needed to be done in my mind. I wasn’t making progress and I was getting sucked up by distractions.

I was wasting time on social media. I wasn’t writing. I was doing a series of menial tasks and making no real advancement towards projects that actually mattered to me. But in the last few weeks, everything changed.

I’m a sucker for productivity hacks. I live for them. However, I am learning that everyone operates differently. What works for me…

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