My last semester of college has brought more trials and challenges than the last three years combined. It feels like one thing after another has happened that just simply wasn’t in my mind map (my plan).
I’ve never felt so weak. I’ve never been so vulnerable. I’ve never had to rely on others so much. And I’ve never felt closer to God than in these last 6 weeks.
When you’re at the end of something, college in my case, but that could be a job, a life stage or something else, everyone tells you to live in the moment. Don’t wish this time away. Don’t get so caught up in the future that you can’t be here. Now. Live in the moment.
What if you hate the moment you’re living in?
How do you live in something you hate?
I was content running straight through my last 5 months of college without looking back, or without looking to the left or the right. My eyes were set at the end of January when I could pack up, leave and be done. Check it off my list.
Until God slowed me down. Way down. It wasn’t “take it a day at a time” it was taking it an hour at a time, a minute at a time, and sometimes seconds at a time. Going from months and years ahead to being pulled back to the seconds and moments I was missing, was a shift no doubt.
It was a physical shift but it’s what led to a heart and mind shift. I could no longer predict, fantasize or plan what would happen in 5 months simply because looking to the next hour, minute, second, was all that I had the energy for.
The fact that planning became exhausting was the most wonderful thing. I began to live in the moment even though I didn’t like the moment I was in. God shifted my heart. He showed the people I had been racing past in the midst of my urgency to be done with this “phase” of life. He showed me the love that lived here. In this moment. And in the next, and the next, and the love that lives here now.
You see, that’s all life is. A bunch of moments. The present is always constant. The future turns into the present. When we strive to live in the future, we are only avoiding the present which is what the future becomes one day. We live so heavily in the next moment that we lose every moment before that.
If you live in the future, you’ll never be content in the now. There will always be something else. Always something ahead of you. we say “If only I can just make it until Friday” that isn’t a one-time thing. You’ll say that next week. And before you know it, those days aren’t even counted and they certainly aren’t lived.
God has given me an insight I never thought I could have. And it’s not insight into the future.
With that said. Sometimes the moments aren’t great. Sometimes we’re in the waiting process and something looks like it’s ahead of us and we feel the need to sprint toward it. If you do that, you’ll never stop sprinting. You’ll always be on the run. Always tired, drained, and disappointed when you reach the next checkpoint only to discover there’s another one ahead.
I am beyond grateful I can say that I would rather walk slowly, with purpose, with confidence and with content knowing I have one hand in the hand of my Father’s and another hand in the hands of the people who love and support me the most.
Thank you to all of you who have encouraged me, loved me, prayed for me, taken care of me and have been Jesus to me during this time. You are the people I will cherish and miss the most when I do leave. However, I can confidently say that I look forward to living with you now. Each day until that time comes. And continuing to love you then. You know who you are.