Maria says it well(For those of you who are The Sound of Music fans like myself). Where else would we start than at the very beginning? I could say in Genesis God created the Heavens and the Earth(in a deep and powerful tone like Liam Neeson’s or Morgan Freeman), but I think most of us have heard that before.
Instead, I want to start right now. As you are, where you are, who you are now. No matter how you feel, what you have done, what you haven’t done, and why.
Let me just tell you, it’s okay to be confused, it’s okay to be uncertain. It’s simply okay to not be okay. “What?” You might ask. “But society tells me otherwise”… well, I’m here to say, ignore society in this case.
Part of searching is actually realizing that you are looking for something. That maybe you have lost something you had long ago, or maybe you have never even had it but feel like you should. Something just feels off.
I remember, back in high school and even part of my awkward middle school years, feeling a little empty once in a while. Heck, I still feel like that and I’m 20, probably even more now than then. For me, emptiness always looks different. Sometimes it looks like my body curled up in my bed, comfy clothes on, my blanket and my teddy bears surrounding me. (Yes, I still have teddy bears and I’m not ashamed.) Other times, it’s my mind searching for answers that I can never give myself as a drive down the freeway. Causing my heart to attempt with great effort to comfort it, offering simplicity and love. However, my mind usually wins. Sometimes it just looks like me walking through life with no direction and less energy to get back on the “right” path. (If there even is such a thing… more on that some other day.)
It’s never the same and I think that’s why I and we are always searching for something more. It’s like the flu… gross analogy I know but it’s the best I’ve got. Each year it comes back around, but with a slightly different strand than before. There is no one cure for it, it is always transforming and changing. This causes the need to find a new cure for that specific strand each time, only to have it change again in the future.
This is not a post to tell you how to stop searching, it’s a message to both myself and to you that the searching never really ends. But, in a way that’s kind of the best part. No, I’m not crazy, I’ve just searched for a long time and I have begun to understand that in the midst of it, you can find some answers, while also learning about yourself along the way.
I didn’t say it’s easy or even fun all the time, but it’s a part of the process. I’m searching for something new every day it seems. A career, loyal friends, love, God, strength, confidence, energy, forgiveness and so much more.
I’m just working on figuring it all out, and I think you are too. Understand that it’s okay to not have it figured out, as discouraging as it feels its OKAY and usually necessary. I’m here to walk with you through this never-ending searching process. Maybe you don’t have a sigh of relief here but at least you know you’re not alone.
Until next time,
(God, I pray for whoever reads this that You use these words for their good and for their needs specifically. And that anything I might have said that does not align with Your Word and beliefs that You change it so that it does.)